Have you ever had an experience that completely shifts your perspective? Not just a small change, but a moment that stays with you long after it’s passed? That’s exactly what I want to share today. It wasn’t a grand, life-altering event. It was a simple, coachable moment that taught me a life lesson I still carry to this day. I didn’t realize how much this one moment would change the way I view the world. But sometimes, the most meaningful lessons come from the least expected sources, and this story is proof of that.
Definition and Importance of Being Coachable
Coachability is crucial for both personal and professional growth. It allows us to identify our blind spots—those areas we might not even realize need improvement. By being open to feedback, we can accelerate our learning and develop our skills and knowledge more effectively. This trait is particularly important for successful leaders, as it enables them to adapt to changing circumstances, build stronger relationships, and make informed decisions. In essence, being coachable means recognizing that we don’t have all the answers and being willing to learn from others, no matter their age or experience.
Setting the Stage: The Moment of Self Awareness
In 2008, I was less than 24 hours away from engaging in a face-to-face meeting that could change my financial situation: a job interview, a crucial step in the recruiting process. And not just any interview—this was during a financial crisis. The stakes were high, and I was determined to do everything perfectly.
Now, I’ve always been pretty good at job interviews, but this time was different. This was the Great Recession. Jobs were scarce, and people were scrambling. I knew I had to stand out, and for me, that started with my appearance. Like Deion Sanders once said, “If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good. And if you play good, they pay good.” I took that quote to heart, especially the “look good” part. Which is why I decided I would not wear a clip-on tie.
I don’t know why, but they just felt cheap to me. No, wearing a clip-on tie was not an option for me. There was, however, only one major flaw in my logic… I didn’t actually know how to tie a necktie. Up until that point, someone else had always tied my neckties for me. I had a collection of pre-tied ties, but they had all run their course, and I didn’t have anyone around to help me anymore.
So, there I was, a day before the most important job interview of my life, completely clueless about how to tie a necktie. I had watched YouTube tutorials, asked different men in my neighborhood, and even tried to figure it out in the mirror, but nothing worked. Frustration, defeat, and a looming deadline consumed me.
Then I Met My Coach
I went to my friend’s house to ask his dad for help. To his credit, he put up a good fight, but the tie won the battle that day. With my interview less than 12 hours away, I called it quits. I crashed on the couch and waited for my friend to get off work so we could play video games. Moments later, my friend’s 14-year-old sister walked into the living room and saw me sulking in my failure. She asked me what was wrong, and I explained to her I had an interview in the morning, and I couldn’t find anyone to tie my tie for me.
Her eyes grew with excitement as she said, “I know how to tie a tie!” I waved her off and told her to leave me alone, but she was persistent. “I’m serious,” she said. “Let me show you.”
She reached for the tie, and I snatched it away as if she was going to break it if I gave it to her. We wrestled for a bit, then finally I gave it to her. There was no point in fighting. I thought, she couldn’t be any worse than the men that tried and failed today.
To my surprise, she didn’t fumble. She took the tie, wrapped it around her neck, measured it, and in less than 15 seconds, had tied a perfect four-in-hand knot. I was stunned. How had this teenage girl mastered something that none of the men I asked could figure out? I thought it might’ve been dumb luck, so I told her to untie it and do it again.
She did. Effortlessly. It was like she had been tying ties her whole life. She looked at me with a smug grin and said, “See? I told you.”
I asked her how she learned how to do this? She revealed her boyfriend was taking an etiquette class, and she learned so she could help him.
I had found my coach.
The Power of Humility: Embracing Unexpected Life Lessons
At that moment, I set aside my pride, ego, and arrogance. I couldn’t believe a 14-year-old girl had just become my coach. But she didn’t just tie the tie for me. For the next 20 minutes, she patiently guided me, step-by-step, on how to create the perfect knot, never once making me feel less for not knowing how.
What made this moment coachable wasn’t just the technical skill she was teaching—it was the fact that I had to drop my assumptions and recognize that help could come from the most unexpected sources. I could have easily continued to dismiss her offer. After all, I was older, more “experienced,” and in my mind, that made me the one who should have been the teacher. I thought I already knew better. That’s a common trap: we often let our egos convince us that we’ve reached a certain level of understanding where we can’t, or shouldn’t, be learning from others we perceive as less knowledgeable or experienced.
But being coachable has nothing to do with who is teaching you—it’s entirely about the openness and humility of the learner. In that moment, I realized that my experience or age didn’t automatically make me an expert in everything. I had to recognize that I didn’t have all the answers, and it required a willingness to be vulnerable. Stepping outside my comfort zone allowed me to embrace the unexpected lessons she had to offer.
The beauty of coachability is that it transcends titles, age, and expertise. It’s not about a formal relationship between a teacher and a student. In this case, my friend’s little sister became my coach because I allowed myself to be her student. When I finally let her teach me, I saw that her age and inexperience didn’t matter—what mattered was that she knew something valuable, and I had the humility to accept her help. She wasn’t just showing me how to tie a tie; she was demonstrating patience, grace, and the power of sharing knowledge.
How It Changed My Perspective and Personal Growth
This experience fundamentally changed the way I viewed learning and growth. Before that day, I thought of knowledge as something that flowed from those with more experience, more education, or simply more years under their belt. I assumed that expertise came from a certain type of person: someone older, someone in a position of authority, or someone more “qualified.” In my mind, learning from someone younger or with less life experience felt backward. But this moment flipped my perspective upside down.
By letting myself be coachable in that moment, I not only learned a practical skill, I walked away from that experience with a new perspective: sometimes, the greatest lessons come when we least expect them—if we’re willing to learn from anyone, at any time. Even Michael Jordan, one of the greatest athletes, believed that being coachable was one of his best skills, which contributed to his success.
This shift also impacted the way I interacted with people on a daily basis. I became more open to listening, to observing, and to asking questions—even from those I might have previously underestimated. I found that by lowering my guard and removing my assumptions, I was able to learn so much more from the world around me. And it wasn’t just about learning practical skills, like tying a necktie. I started to see how every interaction held the potential for growth, whether that’s learning a new perspective on life, gaining a better understanding of human nature, or improving in areas I never thought to focus on.
Overcoming Obstacles to Coachability
Despite its importance, being coachable can be challenging for many of us. Common obstacles include a fixed mindset, fear of failure, and defensiveness. These barriers can prevent us from fully embracing feedback and learning opportunities. However, overcoming these obstacles is possible with intentional effort.
One of the first steps is practicing self-awareness. By understanding our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can recognize when we’re being defensive or resistant to feedback. Seeking feedback from trusted sources can also help us become more comfortable with constructive criticism. Focusing on our strengths and weaknesses allows us to see feedback as a tool for growth rather than a personal attack.
Developing a growth mindset is another powerful way to overcome these obstacles. Embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and learn from mistakes. By doing so, we can transform our approach to feedback and become more coachable. Remember, being coachable is not about being perfect; it’s about being open to continuous improvement.
Broader Implications: Applying Being Coachable to Everyday Life
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to assume we know best, especially in areas where we feel experienced or successful. But being coachable means acknowledging that there’s always room to grow. Since that day, I’ve found coachable moments in a casual conversation with a coworker, a new perspective offered by a friend, or even a random encounter with a stranger. This lesson has stuck with me throughout my personal and professional life, reminding me to always remain a student, regardless of how much I think I know.
For instance, in professional settings, I’ve learned to seek feedback more actively. Whether it’s from a junior colleague or someone from a completely different department, I now recognize the value of getting diverse viewpoints. In the past, I may have brushed off advice from someone I didn’t consider “experienced” enough, but now I know better. Different perspectives often reveal blind spots, helping me to become a more well-rounded person.
Being coachable has also enhanced my leadership skills by fostering an openness to feedback and continuous learning. I’ve even started to embrace failure more openly, seeing it as an opportunity to learn rather than as a reflection of my abilities. This mindset has been crucial for my professional success, allowing me to grow and adapt in a fast-paced job market.
In personal relationships, I’ve also applied this mindset. We often think we know everything about our partners, family members, or close friends. We assume we understand their perspectives, their feelings, and even their advice, sometimes dismissing what they say because we think we’ve heard it all before. But when I remind myself to remain coachable, I become a better listener. I’m more empathetic, more understanding, and more willing to admit when I’m wrong or when I can improve. This mindset has deepened my relationships and allowed me to grow emotionally in ways I hadn’t expected. Just like an uncoachable athlete who resists feedback, we hinder our own growth when we refuse to be open to learning.
Being coachable also means embracing a lifelong learning mentality. You don’t “arrive” at success or knowledge one day and stop growing. No matter how much we think we know, the world is constantly changing, and so should we. Whether it’s learning new skills, gaining insights from different cultures, or even challenging long-held beliefs, staying coachable is a key to evolving and staying relevant in an ever-changing world.
Ultimately, the broader implication is that we can’t control where our life lessons will come from. But we can control whether we’re ready to receive them. Life is constantly offering us moments to learn—whether it’s a small, seemingly insignificant situation like a 14-year-old teaching you how to tie a tie, or a major event that shakes your worldview. The key is to remain open, humble, and curious, no matter where the lesson comes from.
Conclusion
If there’s one takeaway from my experience, it’s this: you never know when or where your next lesson will come from, but you can always choose to be open to it. Life is full of coachable moments—small, everyday interactions that can completely shift your perspective if you’re willing to listen and learn. Whether it’s a 14-year-old teaching you how to tie a necktie or a colleague offering feedback, the real growth comes from your willingness to be humble and let go of assumptions.
Being coachable is not about admitting failure or weakness; it’s about embracing a mindset of continuous learning. When we stop thinking of ourselves as the ones who know it all and instead become curious students of life, we open ourselves up to endless possibilities for personal growth and deeper connections with others.
So, the next time you find yourself in a moment where you feel you “should” know the answer, take a step back. Be open to learning, even if the lesson comes from a place or a person you least expect. You might just discover that these moments are the ones that change how you see the world—and yourself—forever.
Oh, and just in case you were wonder, I got the job. Plus, I’ve taught dozens of men how to tie a necktie exactly like my coach taught me.